Two Sides of Me redux
by Darkheart13666
Summary: John wants nothing to do with Balthazar but when he shows up beaten badly and blind its John who has to care of the bastard but what happens when John finds he is starting to like even maybe love the demon and what is the secret that Bal is holding that will change Johns whole life and maybe even the world?
1. Chapter 1

Balthazar awoke to the blaring horns, and angry yells that were featured in most cities, of the plane known as Earth. He peeled himself off of the disgustingly gum covered pavement of the ally he was in, but he decided it was better than hell. He was weak, the rebirth left his senses reeling, and his powers refused to come completely back, at the moment. Something he really regretted when he looked down the alley, and saw five demonic half-breeds watching him, from the only entrance and exit to the ally way, they all were young, four of them were males, one female. Balthazar knew no matter what some demons said, they acted like animals, more so then humans at times, and currently they were the definition of pack mentality, the leader was calm and had his arm around the girl, while the others hissed and snickered eyes glowing brightly, and fangs shining in the waning sunlight. Balthazar didn't let his weakness show, and put on his usual smirk, and casually slid his hands into his pockets "What can I do for you gents and lady" Balthazar purred easily, hoping to charm them a little but seemed impossible if anything the question riled the three males, making them snicker and laugh, reminding Balthazar of bullies who had found a weaker child to pick on. Balthazar knew that they were all drunk, and stomachs full, but that meant only one thing for demons to do, rape. Bal wasn't afraid of rape, but the few times it had happened to him he stayed away from sexual partners for a while, but he knew that was the truth for most other demon half-breeds.  
Bal seeing that they were not going to be civil deiced to ask why, and nearly retched when the leader hissed at him, that Bal used his girlfriend. Then the memory hit him of the teenage brat of a demon half-breed girl, falling all over him because her boyfriend had broke up with her. "Excuse me if you like the easy bitches." Balthazar sneered, but his smugness was gone when they group pounced on him, after the each got done wailing on him four of them held him down, while the lead male was behind him. Each got a turn in raping him, except the girl who after it was all done grabbed him by his collar, and shoved her tongue down his throat. He fought weakly only really just entertaining the half-breeds who watched with glee, at his weak protests. Bal felt sick, and when he girl finally stopped trying to kiss him threw up, raising a shriek from the girl, and laughter from the men but Bal didn't really look up not caring that it would probably cause the girl to beat him, and was knocked out when she doled the last punch to his temple.  
The half-breeds left probably to drink more, leaving the one they raped behind, his cloths torn and dirty. The women who seemed genderless, watched them leave a smile playing on her lips as she thought of what she could now do to the creature, who ruined her once perfect life. She once stood, and watched the humans from above, now she was below some of them. Now thou it's time for to get payback, to show god that she deserved to be an angel again. She dragged him home, not rising a second look from these scrum called humans, not even the doorman seem to notice the body with her. She opened her apartment, and locked the demon into the collar and cuffs. The chains were long enough so the demon could lay on the mattress completely, not that he would want to, the stained and ragged thing was a mess and held a stench to it, but since it didn't have fleas or lice it would be perfect. Now all she had to do was wait for the demon to awaken, so the punishment could start.

Balthazar swam back into conciseness felling breathtaking pain awash his nerves, and swim through his body. Bal heard footsteps, and wondered if he should fear that sound when Bal felt the cold metal on his wrists, and smelled the soiled mattress decided that yes, his hell was far from over. This was confirmed when he looked up to see Gabriel practically on top of him, the smirk on her face made the hair on the back of his neck, stand on end. He felt even weaker before, and that's when he noticed there were glowing ruins on the chains, that were growing brighter with each passing second that, and Gabriel seemed to be behind it, as she grinned at the sight of Balthazar began to wriggle in pain. The weakness was now turning into pain, and before Balthazar could faint from the pain, and weakness Gabriel began to beat him, telling him that he had been bad that he killed and tempted and now he must pay. The beatings didn't let him faint that was until Gabriel purposely let him faint, all the while whispering that he needed to suffer.

Gabriel watched the demon faint, and sighed then smiled knowing she did a good deed, that this creature deserved it, ignoring the voice that told her otherwise. She was oblivious to a power stronger than any angel was watching, and judging, oblivious to the true creature in her presence the one she had beat ruthlessly, and had plans for, plans that made Lucifer seem leant. "Hang in their Bal your hero will come eventually" Gods presence seem to say. If Balthazar was still awake he would laugh, one without humor because when did god really care, or ever keep that damned promise?

John watched the fog, and fumes of the city mix together, reminding him of the cancer that once dogged his days. Sure things were better, a new lease on life, one without the fear or submission that he had, on where he was going to go after death. Things were also worst than ever, Chas was gone, Angela …well he was okay that she was gone, but no Beeman, or Hennesy. It hit him every time he walked in the bowling alley, or grabbed a bottle of whisky, they were gone like Beano and too many other. John pushed the thoughts away, but they seemed to like to sneak up on him, and at the worst of times but they never bothered his work, mostly because exorcisms were few, and far in between.

The phone rang and after seeing the I.D., let it be, knowing he was no in the mood to talk about the mess that was the end of his relationship with Angela. At first when she got back from hiding the dagger they had lunch, and dinner she even dragged him to the movie once, and finally they began to truly date. Things began to get in the way, including her inability to be unafraid of the half-breeds they saw everywhere, and his sudden worsening insomnia. Those two were what really ripped them apart, but there were other things, the fact she acted like his mother at times was one.

"I knew you were an asshole boss, but not picking up" Chaz laughed, and John smiled happy to hear Chaz again, the happy go lucky kid would once in a while just show up, and bother John this began after Angela left, and John guessed the kid wound up stuck with John as his charge. "Oh please don't start on that again what happened, happened and there is no way am I going to listen to her beg for my forgiveness for what her boyfriend did" John sneered, and Chaz just rolled his eyes at his ex-mentor still smiling. "Well you know what they say about forgiveness" Chaz sing-sung, and John shot him a playful glare holding back a smile when he saw the shit eating grin on the kids face. "What do you want kid I'm busy" that was surprisingly the truth, he had gotten a call about an exorcism, and had to be their soon. "What I can't just bother you?" Chaz asked rolling on the balls of his feet smiling like an idiot, and John rolled his eyes but didn't stop smiling at the same time, the kids natural bouncy and happy nature taking its toll on Johns behavior. It was the same way when the kid was alive, even thou it didn't seem like it before, but then again he was in pain constantly from the cancer little could get John out of his dour mood, but the kid seemed to always be able to brighten everything. "Because like any normal human being bothered is well annoying …who knew?" John told Chaz with a straight face, and Chaz burst out laughing, and John then smirked and shook his head at the kid. "Well boss I have to head out…I'll keep in touch" Chaz told him, and John nodded pushing out the thought of asking the kid to stay, reminding himself that he needed to go. Once Chaz was gone, John sighed and almost instantly his mood dropped because, except for Chaz, the few humans John interacted with were possessed or freaking out, so in other words not really keen to keep him any company. John took one last look at the window Chaz disappeared thru, and headed out knowing all he had to look forward to be being puked on, or pissed on then coming home to a quiet, and lonesome apartment.

Balthazar wasn't sure how long he was here, what he did know was he was reborn a few days after the Mammon thing, and it has seem like he had been here since well… ever. He found out that Gabriel had been taking his demonic powers, but lately little to no such power was being taken from him. Something nagged at his brain telling him there was an obvious reason why, and that he should know, but Bal guessed it was from the constant beatings some even to his head, had caused him to forget this piece of info. The sound of a smashing plate close to his mattress, and head, crashed thru his thoughts and made him whimper, usually he tried to keep up with his attitude and snark but it was getting harder as the beatings were now accompanied by mental attacks as well. Balthazar tried to block out Gabriel's voice, but when he is gagged, and unable to block his ears is was impossible. "Clean it up you rat!" shrieked Gabriel, and Bal was unable to stop himself, a spark of defiance that seemed to shine bright it was both a curse, and blessing made him snap back. "Clean it yourself bitch you made the mess!" Bal snapped, and shivered when Gabriel sneered at him, and began to close in on the demon. "You dare speak to me like this, I took you off the streets, I saved you from those bastards now clean up your mess or so help me I will beat you till you bleed" Gabriel hissed, and Bal flinched, and decided 'To hell with it she'll leave me alone after I do this' and Bal did as he was told, Gabriel waited and watched, then crouched down near Bal when most of the mess was cleaned up, and held the smashed plate in his cupped hands. Gabriel held her hands out the same way, and Bal hovered his hands above hers, and was about to release the shards in to her hands, when suddenly Gabriel's hands clapped around his and squeezed till the shards of glass bit into Balthazar's hands. Balthazar tried to pull away, and wrench his hands free of the bitches grasp but all it did was push the glass in farther, making Balthazar cuss shout and after a little while finally beg for mercy. Gabriel finally let go, and Bal scrabbled back to his mattress and began the painful, and slow process of pulling the shard out of his hands, with his teeth he didn't realize he was crying till, Gabriel delicately brushed one tear away. Bal startled let out a yelp, and pushed himself against the wall, the wards that kept him in the apartment zapped him, and he shrieked in pain and curled into the fetal position, his hands hidden by his body. He wanted so much to rant and rave, to scream his heart out but it wouldn't matter, there were wards to keep every sound he made just between Gabriel and him, it didn't stop Gabriel thou from beating him for nearly waking the neighbors. What made it worst was even thou nobody could hear what happened in their apartment, Bal could here every conversation of the neighbors. Every fight, every makeup every, cuss or mutter, told Bal there were people so close, just on the other side of paper thin walls, people who could help who could get him out of this spiraling hell, and yet so far away. Bal finally fainted from the pain, his mind on one word, one begging word …help.

Torture for some its traffic and the people they live with a self inflicted thing that some realize other don't. Some seek it other create it being a person that has many friends yet acting stupidly and they don't realize your torturing the people who care about you most. How dare they. Those that seek the pain believe they are better than most people of course all the torture is physical not metal the true shining gem of torture. The human mind so fragile and yet it takes so much …or does it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Balthazar was far from fine, Gabriel found that even thou Bal had no more of his demonic powers or essence, he was still susceptible to things like holy water, and rock salt, and used it immensely. She mostly poured it into her prisoner's eyes, now the demon was blind, and no amount of healing would fix them. They looked fine but on closer expectation one would see they were clouded over, and dull, they would also see that one was ice blue, while the other was hazel, and great change from the reddish demonic brown they once were. Since his eyes were useless now, Gabriel took to pouring holy water down Balthazar's throat, and parts of his body, never enough to kill, but more than once Balthazar had begged to be killed. The mental attacks broke down any and all psychic fields that once protected Bal, now were gone and putting them back up did little but exhaust Balthazar, something he couldn't afford because napping during the day wasn't allowed, and the bath tub was not a place to get dragged to. The mere thought of what happened in the tub, sent chills rack throe his malnourished body another unwelcomed thought of the fact he was barley fed, made his stomach growl. Usually food was an after thought since his powers were sapped, and his ties to hell were cut off he wasn't sustained anymore, and now needed to eat like humans, and sadly had to go to the bathroom like a normal human as well. Funny enough that was the only time he was left alone, any other time he was chained to another wall not near his mattress, and tormented by Gabriel that was until she got a job, then when working she left him at his mattress, or when he was bad in the tub.

Bal was starving, and asking for food meant punishment so instead Bal waited for the rice, and water he got, and decided to take his mind off of food by listening to the usual drama of the neighbors what he didn't know was that Gabriel was watching him, lately the beating had gotten worst thanks to Gabriel's frustrations. She still wanted to think that he was bad, but now that she watched the demon all she saw was a fragile beaten starving man, not a word said in spite or malice, all said in fear and pain yet only him begging for it to stop. 'He broke rules thou' a voice crooned in her head, 'he's still bad it's just a front' it than began to sneer at her, taunting her on believing such a thing. The next beating left Balthazar with a black eye, bloody nose, and a broken arm.

On the other side of town, John was being tortured as well…by himself. When one drinks theirs a time were to stop, John blew past the stop, and flipped it off for good measures. Add to the fact he hadn't eaten in days, well let's just say it was a good thing he also didn't go out into public like that. The exorcisms had stopped completely, no work for John, and that left him to his own device which was a bad thing since he decided to get drunk, and it only just carried over since he never had any calls, he even in the beginning called people that usually asked him for him to help, told him they hadn't been calling because there were no exorcisms.

The meeting with his dead friends had not ceased, but they didn't help if anything it just pissed him off more. Why couldn't they leave him alone? He heard one more time they speck of forgiveness, and moving on, he was going to blow something up, and no one can blame him. While Isabel seemed to just enjoying scaring the crap out of him, not even giving him advice just showing up flitting about, and then leaving. It was sorta like when they were in Ravenscar, she came in jabbered about nothing scaring him, at first then she usually comforted him, acting like his older sister Cheryl would, when they had been younger, and he hadn't been in the nut house.

Then there was the sound of wings, and John growled ready for the same crap as usual. But then a pair of hands covered his eyes, and he couldn't help but smirk "Got bored in Heaven Izzy?" John asked downing the rest of his whisky. She heard Izzy huff, and then she took his head in her hands, and tilted it backwards so he was looking at her upside down. "Why do you drink that shit?" she asked, and John smiled "Because I'm a drunk like my father", and she glared at him but he just kept quiet. "Your better than him John" Izzy mumbled, and John snorted and that earned him being cuffed upside the head, and John spun around, and glared at her "Really you think I'm better than that bastard, I've gotten people killed, sure he was a drunk, but he had never got somebody killed!" he growled, and Isabelle glared at him. He calmed down, and sat down, then put his head into his hands, and Izzy instantly kneeled before him, and wrapped her arms around his head. John slid off the chair, and wrapped his arms around her, and finally broke into sobbing "T-too many Chaz Beeman Hennesy all gone…" he bit his lips trying to shut up, and stop but he couldn't he felt safe, warm, and hated it. He tried to shuffle away but Izzy wouldn't let him, and his mind began to wander to the past, their past, one so full of hurt, yet triumph.

They were in for the same reason, the difference John just wanted it to stop, Izzy wouldn't give up, she wouldn't let them tell her she was sick. John knew he should've told Angela that it was personal, that he knew Isabel, hell was friends with her, practically brother, and sister and yet…so close to something more. After the initial fear, and confusion the drugs caused in him, the need of an older protective sister was sated, they began to meet in each other's room, how they weren't caught was beyond John. Izzy claimed that it was thanks to an angel, John thought it was luck. That was the only thing they fought about, and even then they really didn't fight. They were each other's life line, and yet John wished for Izzy to get out, he could care less about himself, he begged, hell even some nights prayed for Izzy to get out. When the day came, she was taken back home she fought tooth, and nail John was happy when she came back she ignored, even snapped at him. This time they were young adults John because of Newcastle, Izzy had stabbed a demon who held the face of a man, John nearly snapped that time. The beatings from the guards, and that they believed he had killed Astra, sent John into real insanity. He was fished out by Izzy, who protected him as best she could, and laughed in the face of every guard when it came back John was innocent. John stayed in his corner for the longest of time, didn't move, breath quietly, and the anxiety attacks were crippling. The doctors were busy trying to cover their asses, one guard killed himself, a young guy who raped John, the rest suspected him to instantly began to demand reprieve. They thought of him a saint when he didn't, they couldn't see he was just a sick hurt messed up kid. Izzy saw it thou, and once again took the role of big sister not that she minded, not one bit. She hushed him when he used to scream, calm him when anxiety grabbed and held onto him told him, he wasn't sick when that's all the doctors told him. She still believed an angel watched over them, John let her think what she wanted. As long as she stayed as long as she wouldn't leave him, with the monsters.

Then he left, and John wanted nothing more than to take Izzy with him. Take her away from the doctors, and guards and the dank dreary place they had called home for years.

Of course he couldn't, and soon they were pushing him out into the world, with nothing more than the cloths on his back, and not a connection in the world. Then there was Ireland, and Brendan, Kit …and well everything had been up, and down since then friends made, ghosts found, fought demons, concurred, and then saving Astra, and the rest of the children in hell, the birth of his other awful half. Spending time with Rich's family, and that mess with the grail and King Arthur, and the mess with Ellie and then he was back in L.A.

Izzy's voice brought him back to the present, "She didn't understand" and John chuckled dryly "Anybody who can understand me is insane". "They never did 'cure' me" Isabel told him, and he smiled and chuckled, and Isabel joined in. They had wound up on the couch, John laying down, Isabel at the end of it with his feet on her lap "Chaz is doing well" Izzy told him, and he hummed in reply somewhere between sleep, and consciousness. John was trying not to fall asleep, but he was sure that was Isabel's doing, she began to hum and John growled, and tried to get up with little to no avail "Izzy …stop." Izzy smiled, and shook her head she then stood up, and he tried to follow but she put her hand to his chest, and pushed him into the cushions he muttered something, but Izzy just chuckled then leaned over, and kissed him on the lips. "Izzy" he mumbled against her lips, but she just shook her head, and kissed him again this time it was fleeting, and then she was gone, and John sunk into sleep.

He dreamed of what caused the breakup of him, and Angela his insomnia had been getting worst, the nights he tried to sleep were filled with nightmares, and the pills did nothing but make him groggy in the morning. She begged, shouted, and cursed at him to go to the doctors, she then found out he was deathly afraid of doctors, and she yelled at him about it being something stupid to be afraid of. Finally he snapped, and the whole thing the abuse, the experiments, the torture, the sexual assault, and she began to bawl. "W-why di-dnt you get h-help?" she asked, and when John told her that they were supposed to help, she bolted to the door. John went after her, only to find that her partner was there with her. A split lip, and black eyes, and bloody nose later John slunk away to his apartment, ignoring Angle's calls to come back.

* * *

Authors Note: I dont know why but the thought of making John have known Isabel struck me and it wound up written down :3 and just btw their will be a lot of crossover with the comic series since I've read and fell in love with it but most of the time I will try to explain on whats going on. I want to give a hint so bad on who Balthazar is because you guys seemed to haven't figure it out yet but I wont :D


	3. Chapter 3

3

Bal had lost it he blamed Beeman, Hennesy, Chaz, and John. They haunted him with their wailing voices, and the way the temperature drops when they where there, and then there was the demon him. All his old attitude, and sharp tongue now manifested itself into a ghost like being, that often snapped and yelled at him to get it together. At the current moment it was yelling at him to fight back, because Gabriel was drowning him, in the tub…again.

"Come on you dumb bastard fight back!" screamed the demon Balthazar, at Bal who shoved and flailed finally getting Gabriel off, after punching her in the face. "That a boy, fights, bite, and punch!" Balthazar encouraged Bal, who smiled a little at the encouragement, but it was quickly gone when he heard Gabriel scream in rage. "Please stop I-I d-didn't mean i-it" Bal begged, and pleaded but instead of being hit, Gabriel just took off and after the slam of the bathroom door, he heard the slam of the front door. Bal felt tears well up and began to frantically pull at the chain beginning to wail, Balthazar tried to shut Bal up by yelling at him, but gave up when it seemed Bal was lost to misery and panic.

* * *

John fought the sheets trying to be loose of their tangled grasp, the screams and yelling that awoke him. "Jesus…why cant it stop?" mumbled John, who ran a hand thru his hair, trying to stop the shaking and failing. It had started Sunday and now it was Friday, a whole week of those taunting blood curdling nightmares and it had left John with sleepless nights, not that he really took care of himself in the first place. Barley eating, drinking till he passed out, left John exhausted and run down. It was almost like he had cancer again, every breath a fight, even little things left him exhausted.

He got out of bed and threw on a pair of boxers, before wandering into the kitchen to pour some more whiskey. "Jesus John you really need some help" that caused John to nearly choke on his whiskey, once he got himself under control, he turned to Beeman perched on the counter. "Make some god damn noise next time Bee!" John snapped at his friend, who just chuckled at him. "I try to remember next time mate…You seriously aren't going to see Midnight about those dreams?" Beeman asked, humor gone and blue eyes boring into Johns brown ones, that rolled. "I think showing up to Midnights in the middle of night is a great way to get thrown into that that special little hell he put me in before" John snapped, shuddering at that mess the image of John Kennedy, with that hole in his head and how he held his brain into his skull, drilled into his head. Beeman shuddered at that too and John shot him a look for reading his mind, then took a sip of whiskey it was silent some time, then Beeman spoke "I don't blame you for avoiding Ellie …after what happened last time you crossed her…" that made John flinch, the pain still there from losing all those friends. At least they were alive to hate him.

"Lets drop it and if I promise I'll go to Midnight, can we drop that too?" John pleaded and relaxed a little when Beeman nodded. The nightmare still held onto him and seemed to refuse their hold of him, making him skittish and heart pound. Beeman seemed to notice the way John was acting and looked at his friend in worry, "You alright mate?" Bee asked and John just shrugged, but he knew no he wasn't alright, he was pretty sure that he was having an anxiety attack, something that hadn't happen since his time in Ravenscar.

John sat down and it passed, then Beeman stood their awkwardly unsure about what to do with his friend, who now had calmed himself. "You know the reason we bother you so much, is because we want somebody to come and raise some hell … it can get boring up in heaven, with everyone being so happy and at peace." Beeman mumbled and John chuckled, letting his friend know he was fine. "Heavens boring?" John asked and Beeman scoffed, causing John to smile "A pack of goody two shoes with a stick's shoved so far up their asses, it comes out of their heads" Beeman told John straight faced and John finally laughed. "We need somebody who plays good guy but isn't, it will shake things up!" Beeman told John excitedly, "How did you get up their Bee?" John joked and chuckled, when Beeman shrugged and looked puzzled about it.

That went like that for while, but like the rest Beeman had to leave. John wanted to beg, wanted for somebody alive to talk to, stop this talking with the dead crap but what John didn't know was Midnight, was going to be the one to give him a new roommate.

* * *

Bal was trying to break loose, Balthazar was cheering him on. Bal found by accident that his now thinner ankles and wrists, let him slip loose of his bonds and made sure to not get put in the bathtub, that had a collar as well and waited for Gabriel, to leave for work. The collar at his mattress, ripped out by Gabriel's boy toy. Luckily Gabriel's boy toy was gone too, that meant no rape or sexual acts, like the past few weeks had been filled with and nobody could stop him, with what he was about to do. The mornings had been filled with rape, then usually Gabriel and her boy would have sex, sometimes right next to Balthazar's mattress, luckily never on it not that they would want to with the puke, blood, and sweat on it. Then physical torture would start, cigarettes were put out onto Balthazar's skin, he would be flogged with belts or whips, designs would be carved into his skin with a box cutter.

One time he was left in shackles in the bed room that made him stand on his tiptoes, with his arm in the shackles, what was worst was Gabriel left an vibrator in Balthazar and left it in to the point pleasure, became pain. The whole time Balthazar yelled at him to get a grip, while the other ghosts just watched probably enjoying his pain but Bal knew he deserved it, for the torture he had inflicted on them.

Once free of the shackles, since he used a mixture of his blood and saliva Bal began to move haltingly, through the apartment, using his hands as eyes. He cursed colorfully when he smacked into a wall, or made something fall, but refused to stop and think more about this. Thinking would lead to doubt, or that's what Balthazar was saying.

He'd reached the cool tiles of the bathroom, they even colder since Gabriel kept the heat down and even turned on the ac. The only warm room in the whole place, was Gabriel's room and Balthazar was only let in their when raped, or anything else like that. Bal than began to search for the sink, then found it smacking his hand on it, and then began to reach up on it. Bal began to weep when he at first didn't feel it, then thanked whoever when he felt the blade, under his fingers. It cut them a little, but then got the blade in his hand, Bal then drug himself over to the tub and turned on the hot water sighing at the warm water, then pulled himself in to the tub. Bal then shakily began to cut his wrists.

* * *

John looked at the apartment building, taking in the dour look, graffiti on its sides and shady people wandering about. Half-breed demons slunk around, whispering in the humans ears probably telling them to go after John, but John wasn't afraid, a slight spell here and a flash of his knuckle dusters here, both human and demons stayed away from the exorcist.

That was good for John, because he probably wouldn't be able to beat off the junkies, on account he probably poisoned himself with alcohol. A year since the mammon thing, a few weeks after the mammon mess he had started dating Angela, she broke up with him a year later, then for the past 6 months he had been pacing around his apartment, drinking every bottle dry wondering why everything had seemed to stop.

He was now in the building and looking about its ruined lobby, sleeping guard. Everything was a mess, but what did it matter to him, he got paid no matter what and of course nobody would file a complaint about him, who needs the police being called over every little thing?

John made his way over to the elevator, hoping it worked and thanking whoever that it did. Nobody gave him a second glance, or at least the few he passed didn't. He came up to the apartment and pounded on the door, surprised there was no crowed or sound but as John thought it over, Midnight didn't say possession just whoever was in here, needed help. John cussed at the fact he didn't notice that before, then swore when he saw the sigils keeping _in_ a demon, either Midnight was losing his touch or something big was happening here and John for the life of him, actually now didn't want anything going on. 'What did you just step into John?' he thought to himself, as he began to pick the lock a sudden thump, caused him to panic and then after a quick look around, decided to just kick the door down.

He drew out a gun and took quick stock of the apartment, finding chains and a lumpy mattress in one corner, which was soiled to the point it made John nearly puke. Blood spattered on the wall and floor, puke was crusty on the mattress, and other fluids spattered the mattress and surrounding areas.

Heavy breathing brought John back to earth and made him turn away, from the jarring sight. He hoped it wasn't a kid and mother the last job that had a similar look and feel, he wound up looking like a hero but John was only able to hear the mother humming twinkle twinkle little star and the child's cries, that on certain nights was on replay, till he feel into a nightmare induced sleep. As John begged for that to not be the case, he found the bathroom and opened the door. He looked in and found an overflowing bathtub, the water was pink and there was a body floating in it, the face was covered by the persons hair. John slipped over to the tub and turned it off, then pulled the guy out of the water and began CPR. It hadn't registered who the person was, until the bastard was coughing up water. John then saw Balthazar's slit wrists and John went to the medicine cabinet, then took out some bandages and went to tape them up, but Bal was panicking and begging for leniency. "Bal shut up it's me John" John growled, but then John stopped and made Bal look at him, who began to cry and say he was sorry, that was as nearly as jarring, when John finally found Bal's human colored and sightless eyes.

John pulled back with a gasp, but John then got everything back together and finished taping up Balthazar's wrists. John then began to drag Bal out of the apartment, shutting down the wards that kept demons in. John began to register until opening the door Bal's aura was completely cut off, nobody not angel or demon, would've been able to feel the demon. The only way Midnight was able to find him, was if Midnight was _looking for him_. In other words Midnight full well knew who was in trouble, but just didn't tell John much to his annoyance. 'The bastard probably owes him something and only wanted Balthazar alive for that', thought John carrying the demon, who was trying to stand and seemed at a lost about what was going on. "We're going home Balthazar" John told Bal, who just shook his head and murmured they had left home. "That's not home Balthazar" John told Balthazar sternly, not sure why he was saying anything other than curses at the demon. 'Well I might as well forgive Balthazar, Hennesy and Beeman might stop perching about it' John thought to himself, ignoring the voice that said he felt sorry for the demon.

They got to the lobby before alcohol poisoning caught up with John, blood loss with Balthazar luckily the thump they caused was loud enough to catch the attention of the usually sleeping guard, he woke from his nap and then saw the two been both covered in blood, then called an ambulance. "Make i-it stop …" Bal rambled and John groaned trying to get up, but the lobby worker held him down "Don't move man, what happened?" the guy asked and John murmured cut wrists, then blacked out.

Authors note : ...I AM SO SORRY! I had so many things going on with trying to get my grades up and destination imagination practice and writing a play for that... X.X ... okay well enough from me and just btw Bal started his torture a week after the mammon thing as it keeps being called in this... I got to go study again :( later folks


	4. Chapter 4

4

Hospitals and needles were the few things, that could make John's skin crawl. Not demons, angels, or monsters could make John so much as flinch, but the too clean smell of a hospital, made John want to throw up.

So when John woke up to the beeping of machines and that too clean smell, he instantly was in a bad mood. Not even the pretty nurse could make it better, mostly because she kept lecturing about alcohol and its effects, on the body.

John wondered if that whole mess was just an alcohol filled dream, but when John asked about the man with him he saw her flinch, instead of looking at him like he was insane. "He's in very bad condition…do you know what happened to him?" she had asked him, and when he shook his head she didn't seemed convinced and John worried that maybe they blamed John for Balthazar's condition, but then the nurse spoke again. "Where trying to find the owner of the apartment, but we can't find her…she suspected of doing this to Mr. Stone…would you know who did this to him, he keeps begging us to take him back to Gabriel-" she stopped when John straightened. Was it possible, did the ex-angel go insane and beat the hell out of Balthazar…literary? From what John could tell the demon, had somehow the demonic essence taken out of him, and John wished he had looked more around the apartment.

"No I don't know …I-" John was at a lost on what to say, for once in his life and that could only spell disaster, that was until he was saved by Midnight who came out of the shadows and put a trance on the girl, who then left. "You bastard you knew!" John growled, once the girl was gone and door shut. Midnight just smiled a little, but said nothing and then sat down in one of the visitor chairs, still saying nothing. There was a long pause John watching Midnight, Midnight watching John before the mage relaxed, a little. "What's going on Midnight?" John asked, burnt out by this whole mess and wishing he could just go home. "Well first of all your tainted blood was throwing doctors for a loop, but I fixed that and Balthazar's blood was giving them problems too, but you two will soon be released" Midnight told John, who glared at the witchdoctor. "I meant-"Midnight stopped John, by talking over him "What you are doing now is questioning God John, do you really want to question him now, with your new lungs and now freed soul?" Midnight taunted and John grit his teeth, but knew it was true. "Nope seeing if I can get some new kidneys actually" John snapped, sitting up and Midnight smiled whether it was a true smile, or menacing John didn't know. The witchdoctor's smile reminded John of a dog, baring his fangs to tell others to back off.

"Don't do anything stupid John, let the nurses take care of you" and with those parting words, the witch doctor was gone. The scent of the club was the only hint that Midnight had been there in the first place, and John cussed. Then the peanut gallery showed up. Yup, John hated doctors too.

After getting dressed in real cloths and having that damned IV taken out of him, John decided to see Balthazar. Of course this is also when John learned that Midnight had them believe, John and Balthazar lived together much to the exorcists annoyance. 'I'm going to kill him' thought John seeing the nurses trade glances, probably thought they were more than friends, funny enough they weren't even that in real life. Soon they were getting ready to take Balthazar to Johns home, but they gave John and Balthazar some time alone, probably so they can do some paper work. Apparently Balthazar went missing, John called it in only to get a call from the kidnappers and find Balthazar barley alive, or that's the story Midnight made up.

Balthazar was awake and John had to tell Balthazar he was in the room and frowned when he heard the whimper unable to see the slimy bastard and connect him to then broken thing currently bandaged like a mummy in the bed in front of him. "They say we can go to my house…maybe some friends…" John trailed away realizing Balthazar probably had no friends, probably no allies either, demons where selfish loner type creatures, sort of like how John was. John told himself that the demon would be better in no time, but when Bal began to beg for John to kill him, John instantly knew Balthazar had lost every ounce of demon in him and John decided that next time he saw Midnight, ask him about spells like that.

"Bal calm down" John hissed at Balthazar who whimpered, but quieted. John sighed feeling bad about snapping at the hurt man before him. Balthazar actually was more like a psychic, because he still had some powers left and still had a demonic tail, but otherwise he was human. "I'm not going to kill you" John told Balthazar, who nodded and John thought maybe the demon was a little better until he said "You want to torture me too, for killing you and your friends" John felt his heart sink. Balthazar was convinced he was going to be tortured by John's ghost, and apparently Beeman and Hennesy too. "No Balthazar I'm alive you only killed Beeman and Hennesy but they're not going to torture you either" John told him slowly, trying to keep his patience, John had already snapped at him and John didn't want to do it again since Balthazar was so fragile. "It's a long story but your coming home with me Balthazar… anyways… I don't know where you live" John mumbled the last part, realizing he knew nothing about Balthazar, except he used to bother the hell out of him. _Why should you know anything about him he's was just a bastard that played with your emotions and toyed with you whenever he had a chance, _that settled, John remembered the first time he meet the demon and how the demon read him like a book, what surprised John is the demon didn't tell every demon in the bar about how broken he was, John took it as it was and didn't see anything in the gesture.

"No torture?" Balthazar asked/ pleaded and John shook his head, then remembered Balthazar's blindness and said no and Balthazar relaxed a little. Soon there was a rush of activity, of the doctors and nurses getting Balthazar ready to go 'home' and John got ready as well filling out a few things, then soon they were in front of the hospital and a taxi was waiting for them. Balthazar had to be wheeled out in a wheel chair, they asked John and got a glare for their suggestion. John was not going to tell them he felt like crap still, and that he should if anything stay at the hospital, but John didn't want to spend more time than they did already. Three days, they had been in there and John was sure Balthazar was happy to be out of there too.

Now the two were in the taxi, John told the driver the address and now they sat in silence, loud, bogging silence. 'Note to self remember how to have a normal conversation' thought John, to himself his dark humor getting the better of him. He looked over at Balthazar and found him 'staring' at the seat in front of him, John cleared his throat, catching Balthazar's attention more or less. "Do you have any family you can call?" John asked and guessed it was a no, when Balthazar murmured the word family like it was foreign. "Guess that's a no?", John asked and Balthazar then seemed to understand and shook his head and John felt his heart soar at the thought of being rid of the demon so soon, "The brothers the Crowley brothers they could…" Balthazar trailed away like he just thought of something, it made him stop talking of them. John was wondering what it was until Balthazar began to sob, John flinched then asked what was wrong. "They didn't even look for me…", Balthazar sobbed and John hoped the cabby wasn't paying attention, hoping the radio drowned out what they were saying but John still whispered "Balthazar _I couldn't even feel you…,_Gabriel had you on lock down your aura couldn't have been felt" this got Balthazar excited, who then murmured that they were probably looking for him in hell so there was no way they could've found him. 'At least he stopped crying' thought John, happy when Balthazar seemed to have calmed.

They finally got home and John helped Balthazar out of the car, then threw money at the cabbie and turned to find Bal in the same place John put him on the side walk, 'He trusts me not to put him somewhere dangerous' thought John, who shook his head at the demon, well that was until he came up to the demon who smiled sadly and said, "Thanks for not putting me in the road" and John snorted and pulled Balthazar too the door, of the bowling alley. Balthazar tried to stop, but John wouldn't let him and by the time they got to Johns apartment, he looked back to see tears running down Balthazar's cheeks, and he was murmuring that he was sorry. John desperately wanted to hear the usual sneer, maybe hear the bastard's voice tell him about killing his friends, it had to be better than this weeping depressed creature. But no avail Balthazar just stood there trying to pull his self together, dressed in an oversized hoodie, jeans and boots, stuff given to him by the staff that refused to put him in the rags he had been wearing. "We can pick up some cloths for you today or tomorrow." John told Balthazar, hoping he said tomorrow and Balthazar said tomorrow, then John said okay. John didn't think Balthazar could deal with a large crowd at the moment.

John then began to make some soup and sandwiches, hoping the demon would eat it. A sudden curse made John jump, then turn to see Balthazar rubbing his knee. John felt his face redden and John went over to Balthazar, told him he was sorry and pulled out a chair for Balthazar to sit, at the kitchen table. "I was the idiot that ran into the table" Balthazar mumbled and John said "Your blind and I know it but I keep forgetting" John snapped right back, wanting the demon to have a little backbone but it seemed to do just the opposite, as Balthazar pulled even deeper into himself, making it look like he was trying to hide in the plain black hoodie.

John sighed and mentally slapped himself, 'Just shut up John your making it worst' he told himself and he went back to the soup, then started making grilled cheese. Surprisingly it was Balthazar who spoke up, "Smells good" He mumbled and John chuckled not minding the small talk then spoke, "Easiest thing in the planet but yeah tomato soup and grilled cheese is good." John told him and hoped that if it smelled good Balthazar would eat it, he was way too thin. 'Not like your any better John' he told himself and then put the soup into two bowls, he then put those on the table with spoons and the sandwiches. John saw Balthazar began to search for the things, but John stopped him before he burnt his self. He took Balthazar's right hand that didn't hold the spoon, and put it against the bowl, then put the spoon in the soup and warned Balthazar that it was warm, happy when Balthazar brought the soup filled spoon and blew on it. "No reason to hurt yourself while eating", John told him and Balthazar nodded. They ate the rest of the food in relative silence.

* * *

Authors Note: ...review please?! please tell me anything! if it sucks, if its better, if I am more in character anything


	5. Chapter 5

5

"Note to self get Balthazar sleep aid tomorrow as well" John mumbled to himself, listening to the poor new man, toss and turn. After lunch, which Balthazar nearly choked on, because he was shoveling in his mouth to fast, John got him to talk about what happened a little. Apparently when fed Balthazar was only given rice, originally because Gabriel only knew how to make it, then later it was because it was cheap and tasteless. All he drank, when given stuff to drink that wasn't holy water, was water he nearly died of dehydration though, because he didn't trust Gabriel when she would tell him to drink it, and that it wasn't holy water.

It made it so much worst, that things like that, were common for Balthazar. Then John brought up about taking a bath…it wasn't good. John was happy he didn't have snooping neighbors, above or below, because it probably sounded really bad. He begged and threatened, then finally got Balthazar into the tub and Balthazar just sat there, not moving a muscle. John had been embarrassed to have to bath the man like a child, but it had to be done, John didn't want to hear the man whine, when his lacerations began to get infected or itch, from scabbing over, something they didn't get to do while in Gabriel's hands.

While bathing Balthazar, the phone had rang, luckily it was at the end of the bath and John gave Balthazar some space, to let him dry himself. It turned out to be Angela, who needed an exorcist, but John knew he couldn't leave the man, so instead he called in another one to take the job. He had to help the man with his back, a marred and scarred place, proof that Gabriel had truly lost her mind.

The meal had been fine, but then while putting dishes away John had dropped one, and then Balthazar began to pick the pieces up, with his bare hands. John panicked, but knew to keep a straight head and pushed Balthazar away, then began to slowly take the pieces from Balthazar's slightly cut hands and that's when John saw that, it looked like his hands had once been shredded before and John had it had to do with a broken plate.

The thing that bothered John the most was that were most torture victims were infection ridden, it seemed like Gabriel kept the wounds clean, John was sure it was just so Balthazar didn't die. The mere thought made Johns stomach turn and twist in his body, and made him want to reach for a bottle, but John knew getting plastered in front of the man would be a bad idea, then John thought about Balthazar creeping off the couch and killing himself that made John rise out of bed and pad out to the living room and found Balthazar caught in a nightmare. Yup have to buy sleep aid…for both of us. John didn't do anything for the man remembering that you're not supposed to wake a victim of a nightmare. John just padded to the kitchen, and thought of a way to make sure Bal couldn't open them, after doing that John then put the knives up and away and thought about how it felt like he was hiding things from a child. A beaten scared and scarred child thought John with a flinch but maybe John could use that make sure Balthazar didn't go back to his nasty demon self. 'Like that's possible he doesn't want to be touched he doesn't trust me…but why should he?' John thought bitterly 'I gave him no real reason to trust me'. Balthazar suddenly sat up and gave a choked yell that made the man cough John hearing this got Balthazar some water and began to walk over then remembered to announce himself and made his steps heavier to tell the man where he was John knew Balthazar heard him because he tilted his head towards John. Who told him to drink the water and John wasn't surprised when Balthazar refused to drink it and kept coughing. John shook his head at the man and tried to think of a way to get Balthazar to trust him unable to think of anything John walked away and decided to if there was anything he could make into breakfast deciding that running on only a few hours of sleep one more day wouldn't kill him. He turned on the radio that crackled out a blues tune and John let it be and began to cook breakfast listening to Balthazar wheeze and hoped the demon would just take a drink already. John then hoped for the millionth time that the demon would heal quickly both physically and mentally.

Authors note: Yup ...this sucks. Review please


	6. Chapter 6

Balthazar was telling Bal not to trust John, that it wasn't really John that it couldn't be. Balthazar pounded that thought into Bal's head, but doubt seeped through anyways. "Why didn't he kill me then, why let me into his home why-", "You killed him don't you remember?!" Balthazar snapped, and Bal had to stop then realized…no he didn't remember that. "You can't remember a lot of things thou!" snapped Balthazar, but Bal was lost in thought, still holding the glass of water. He dipped his fingers into the water and found it didn't hurt him, and began to chug the water ignoring Balthazar's sneering, that it could be poisoned. 'The food wasn't poisoned, and he hasn't hit beat or raped me…defiantly better than Gabriel's place' thought Bal, listening to the blues playing and the eggs and bacon sizzling. It wasn't but a few hours ago that Bal had ate, but now that his stomach had tasted real food, and it hungered for more.

John was hoping the food wasn't too rich for the demon, as he cooked letting the music sooth him. He nearly jumped, when he was a shadow seemingly slinking its way towards him. "Jesus Bal scared the crap outta me!" John laughed, and saw Bal flush and he apologized, John shook his head at the man then said, "Its fine just your quiet that's all" John told him, then went back to cooking hoping the man would loosen up. He heard the man take out a chair and sit at the table, and John let him letting the music fill the air.

It suddenly changed to a rock n roll song, that made John smile a little, and he began to hum along to it.

I painted your room at  
Midnight, so I'd know  
Yesterday was over  
I put all your books on the top shelf,  
Even the one with the four leaf clover  
Man, I'm getting older  
I took all your pictures off the wall  
and wrapped them in a news paper blanket  
I haven't slept in what seems like a century,  
and now I can barely breathe

_[Chorus]_  
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly  
dandelions lost in the summer sky  
When you and I were getting high as outer space,  
I never thought you'd slip away  
I guess I was just a little too late

Your words still serenade me,  
Your lullabies won't let me sleep  
I've never heard such a haunting melody.  
Oh, it's killing me  
You know I can barely breathe

John turned and smiled, seeing that Balthazar was relaxing the music, it having a calming effect on him he even began to tap his foot to the beat. John spoke quietly, hoping not to startle the man "Good song huh?" John asked and Bal murmured yeah. They sat in silence, Bal trying to ignore Balthazar, John trying to figure out what to say to Bal.

The silence was broken by the phone, and John turned down the music, and answered it. It turned out to be a nurse, who told John about a store for the blind, in walking distance of his apartment. John took down the needed info, then after thanking the nurse hung up, and turned the radio up again, it was another blues tune Rolling Stones this time.

"Ventilator Blues" Bal suddenly murmured and John chuckled, and told him yes. Soon they were eating again this time, John made sure to not smash a plate but this time it was salt, and John got rid of that too. 'Need to watch my cholesterol anyways' John told himself, putting that up with the glass cups. He had put them up their so the first thing Bal could easily reach for is the plastic cups, it would help with the glass smashing thing, and the general clumsiness that Bal had with being blind. John was just happy that he seemed to not be feral, and Bal was not crawling around on all fours, acting like an animal. 'Nope just a scared helpless child', thought John as he watched the demon, chow on the food.

The next day John got a call and had to go to an exorcism, it was early in the morning and Bal was fitfully sleeping. John turned on the radio, and hoped the demon wouldn't freak when he realized he was home alone. John got back and found the demon curled up on the couch crying, John cleared his throat and Bal quickly got up, and said the most ridiculous thing John ever heard "I didn't kill you?!". John couldn't help but laugh at the look on Bal's face, but didn't let the demon hear him. "That's what you thought happened to me?" John asked still chuckling, and that's when Bal said something even weirder. "Balthazar told me to kill you, to not trust you, but I didn't listen to him, I thought I listened to him…" Bal's voice trailed away and John found his laughter gone.

"What do you mean Balthazar?" John asked, and Bal sort of ducked down, like he was trying to hide behind the couch.

"Balthazar is the me …the mean and snotty me." Balthazar told John, and John finally understood. The demon was hearing some of his old attitude, it was their but now completely separate, in a way, of Balthazar.

"…You call him Balthazar…what do you call yourself then?" Jon asked, trying to understand what was going on in Balthazar's head. John waited for the answer, and Balthazar seemed to be thinking who then 'looked' at the magician, and said "Bal he calls me Bal, please don't call me Bally that's what …they used to call me" and John said okay and that was it. From then on out John decide to call the man Bal, but John secretly wanted Balthazar back. He wouldn't be afraid of baths.

After the bath John threw Bal in some of his old cloths, and decided it was time for the demon to get his own cloths, and maybe time for them to have real food around the house. Bath done, wounds bandaged, and a pair of sunglasses put on Bal's wandering eyes, they headed out to a salvation army store nearby. Once they were there they found t-shirts, long sleeves and a few pairs of jeans, that would fit the demon. They were getting a lot of attention from other patrons because John was holding Bal's elbow, and pushing cloths into Bal's hand so he could feel them.

It wasn't too bad John decided, but then Bal wasn't picky with his cloths, but John made sure to fine soft fabric for the man, who seemed to like baggy clothing. John then grabbed some sweat pants for sleep wear and then they headed to a small grocery store a few buildings down, from the Salvation Army store. Shopping done they headed back to the apartment, then Bal yawned and John realized he too was tired.

"How does a nap then lunch sound Bal?" John asked, and chuckled when Bal yawned back good. John and Bal put away the food, Bal not a half bad at helping, and they just left Bal's cloth out on the table then John helped Bal, over to the couch. John then wandered over, and got himself and after thinking about it Bal a drink.

They drank the whisky, and watched the TV in silence. Er…well John watched Bal listened, but he didn't seem to mind. On the outside Bal was calm and enjoying the TV, but on the inside depression was slowly overtaking him. He couldn't see anything, not even in his dreams. His thoughts whirled and twisted, and he thought to himself why did he have to live?! Bal unconsciously began to wring at his wrist, John noticed this and flinched when he saw this made them bleed a little. John reached over and pulled Bal's wrist away and then set it on Bal's lap, then went back to watching TV. He then got up and got bandages he came back and had to stop Bal from worrying his wrist again, and then taped up both of them. John wondered if he should ask what Bal was worrying about, but he had the idea it was because of his blindness. Bal never really thought about it back with Gabriel and her boy toy, but now free of those bastards and able to do more, he wished for his sight.

That night after dinner, John slunk off to a another exorcism and John was happy for the work this time, John coming home went a lot smoother or so John thought, until he saw the cabinets had been opened and searched through. John then found the bathroom, and smiled to himself on thinking about that before. John found Bal alive on the couch staring off into space, the TV on but probably ignored. "Trying to off yourself?" John asked and Bal flinched, but said nothing, but John already knew the truth. "Trust me Bal hell for a human isn't as fun as it for the demons" John told him snidely, and was surprised at the reaction "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" Bal yelled standing on the couch, towering over the stunned exorcist. "It is not all torturing humans and 'having fun' as you put it, do you know how we get all our ideas, from other demons…doing it to us!" Bal hissed eyes narrowed, and chest heaving. "Paint us evil as much as you want John, but to me Gabriel was worst as a human, than she ever was as an angel." Bal snapped, then almost like a switch was thrown Bal collapsed and curled in on himself, and began to sob. John smiled a little and sighed, "Finally your getting back to your old self Bal" John told Bal who stopped hiding and looked up. "I know that its not much better for demons than it is for humans in hell, but I just wanted to see if you would say the same thing." John told Bal soothingly, and Bal smiled a little at the humans game.

One thing Bal and John always did was test each other's wit and anger, to see how far it could be pushed, twisted, and assaulted. So going back to that, which was like their default mode, felt nice and Bal decided that it was a perfect way to get back to normal. Over the next few weeks they began to playfully banter, getting used to each other's company again, but this time with much less venom that used to be a part of the usual banter. John also found that now the demon was striving for normalness began to try and do things like cook, which actually ended happily much to both of their surprise. Thing fell into an easy, and livable pattern for both men. Hell they might as well as had separate lives, with suddenly the demons and exorcism coming back, had John leaving and not coming back till late at night always finding a meal in the microwave ready to be heated, and eaten.

Bal still had nightmares but now they were more manageable, and now Bal didn't wake up screaming so he was no bother to John. Slowly both were gaining back the weight they had lost due to the torture, they had been put through. They walked every were and John decided that it would be good for Bal to get used to his blindness, and they did this by going to the store that the nurse told them about. They bought books about living with the blind, and about teaching the blind to read Braille.

John thought of putting Bal into lessons, but quickly found that Bal didn't trust other people only him. This left things at a strange stalemate, as John wasn't sure what to think of that Bal trusted him and that now he was supposed to teach such a thing to Bal. They walked to the store once in a while, slowly they bought more books some audio, others in Braille. It was strange for the exorcist and man alike, but slowly they got used to it.

But John also quickly learned that Bal not only needed to learn about Braille, but also his powers and putting up his walls again. These 'walls' protected against other psychics, and just normal people who thought loudly. Every time they went out Bal's walls got stronger, but he still had to be careful not to act on somebody else's emotions, or speak thoughts out loud some of them not his own. John described it has having bad ADHD, and Bal laughed actually laughed at the joke. They began to eat out, and other than one time Bal had a panic attack and had to get up and leave the restaurant, all went pretty well.

The more John hung out with Bal, the more John found himself enjoying the man's company. There were a few times things got strange, like after the restaurant they had went for a walk and wound up in the park. Bal was still getting over his panic attack, and finally sate in the grass near a pond were an angel in tartan was feeding the ducks, paying no mind to the men. Bal was still trying to put up his 'walls' and before he could stop himself, sunk into the sounds of the city. The quacking of ducks first took over, then the children playing in the park nearby, then the real city sounds kicked in sending a jolt through Bal. Screaming angry people, whispers between lovers that may or may not be committing sin, the cursing of every driver both in mind and spoken out loud. Bal was lost to it, but John reeled him back in by touching his arm, and Bal gasped then thanked John.

More encounters like this began to happen, the level of trus,t and even somehow friendship began to grow. No longer Bal flinched from John's touch, and John touched Bal more it now feeling more normal. Baths were no longer watched, and the block of knives found their way back onto the counter. As normalcy found its way into their lives, so did enjoyment.

John now didn't flinch at the sight of Bal's scars or wandering eyes, he also didn't mind the sight of the man naked anymore. So one time when Bal was taking a shower, he had forgot to bring in cloths, and had asked John to bring in some cloths. John had been about to leave, when a sudden thump and myriad of curses erupted from the tub. John skidded to a halt, and without thinking about it rushed to the tub, and pulled back the curtain to find Bal on the bottom of the tub the shower still running. John then had to stop and laugh at the disgruntle look, the psychic had on his face. Bal having none of this grabbed John by his tie, and pulled him into the shower making him land on all fours, nose to nose t the man. "Who's laughing now John?" Bal teased, and John grinned and chuckled. There was a slight pause, then John asked if the man was okay who said yes. John then realized how …sexual this position was, and blushed actually blushed. God, he was happy Bal couldn't see. John coughed embarrassed, and began to get up only for Bal to wrap his arms around Johns neck, and pull him down for a halting yet delicious kiss John thought of stopping, but his body that had been starved of any kind of human contact began to ach.

John unable to stop himself slid his tongue between Bal's lips, but only a little wanting Bal to make the choice on whether John got to truly taste him, or not. Bal slowly opened his mouth and felt his heart beat faster when Johns tongue began to lap at Bal's mouth, not wanting to frighten the man.

Bal began to grind his body along with Johns, enlightening groans from the magician, who shivered at the ministrations. John felt himself hardening, groaned and shivered 'This is so wrong so…so wrong' thought John, but he was unable to stop his body from reacting.

One's body could only last so long without human contact for the past few weeks with only a few touches of elbows and shoulders. John was no exception and now lust pumped through his veins he couldn't stop touching Bal. Finally they pulled back and John turned off the water that had been turning cold. And that's when he hear it muffled mewls and gasps from above them.

This is for kie-chan214 who was the first reviewer :) Guess whats really going on with Bal folks and you get a virtual cookie oh and a hint of who Bal really is he was a comic book character in Hellblazer! and the Angel in tartan is a Good Omens reference which is btw my favorite book! Somebody else from that book will show up later as well as somebody from Supernatural go back to the original Two Sides of Me if you dont want to wait.


	7. Chapter 7

7

"Shit Bal we…we got to stop" John told him and Bal was suddenly snapped out of it, blushed as well.

"Shit John I'm s-" John cut Bal off by muttering, it's not his fault. They sat there for a second, then Bal suddenly smiles and slides out from underneath John.

"You should take a shower John" Bal teased and John began to cuss, when Bal's sneaky tail turned on the water on full blast but cold.

"Pure fucking evil Bal" John hissed at the demon, who just laughs at the exorcist, who begins to laugh as well. John had helped a lot when it came to having Bal get over being blind, mostly because the man had refused to coddle Bal, that and with the phrase and patients John gave, it helped immensely.

Nightmares sometimes still came, but mostly brushed off flashbacks were less and more just shocking then scary nowadays and didn't leave Bal a mess, like they did before. There was a sudden knock at the door which the exorcist answered, only to find that it was Angela. John felt the color drain from his face, he gulped Bal was oblivious to the threat, the detective may have pose to him wandered around behind John, doing chores around the house.

John stepped out into the hallway hoping the woman wouldn't see the supposed demon. He found that it was useless as she gasped and she wasn't looking at him, but behind him. She then forced open the door taking it from Johns hand, thrusting it open. "What is that bastard doing here?!" she shrieked and John tried to pull her out of their, and flinched when he saw the man loose all color and drop the stuff he was using luckily nothing was glass. "Angela hold on!" John growled pulling her out of the apartment and closing the door, hoping this didn't set the man back much. John flinched when he heard sobs from the other side of the door, but didn't go a comfort the man not yet, until he explained something to Angela.

He dove into the story about the rape before Gabriel, then went into that mess and watched the cop go green, when he got into some of the gory little details. He finished with some of the stories about what Bal had did, or said. All in all John was sort of happy to get the cop to nearly puke in some weird sick way of his. She was about to attack the demon when she first saw him, and John thought that maybe the angels should have told her about forgiveness.

"He said there was a demon form of him that told him to do bad stuff?!" she yelped, then gasped when John nodded. John then opened the door and sighed, when he saw the demon curled up the on the couch in the fetal position. John walked over and began to pet the man's head, and whisper things to him about it being all right that he only killed Beeman and Hennesy that he didn't hurt anybody else. Bal protested, trying to move from the touch and John knew it was because the demon thought he didn't deserve to be forgiven, and treated nicely but John loved to show the demon affection anyways. Originally it was by accident, a way to calm the man, then later to make him feel better about being so weak and blind, now it was a way for them to connect and calm Bal down at the few times that something like this got the better of him.

Angela watched with fascination, unable to fathom the fact John was being so kind to Bal. It was fascinating to say the least she knew John could be kind, but being patient as well was new too her. Sure John had been nice, but not as understanding as he was with Balthazar. He had at first very understood on helping with getting her powers in check, and helping her with getting the sight under control, but eventually he got sick of her and the fact she feared the demons.

She left after that, seeing that her presence had set off a bad memory for the man. She felt a little bad, but at the same time, she felt a little bit of satisfaction about seeing the man in a little bit of pain was nice. Could you blame her? He had killed people tempted people all in all, maybe he deserved it.

John seemed to have read her mind, because he began to usher her out. Once Angela was gone John went back to Bal who was in the fetal position on the couch still, hands over his ears murmuring something John couldn't understand.

John slowly helped the man out of his stupor, easing him out with soft spoken words and soft touches.

_What is with me?_ , thought John as he helped Bal out of his stupor. John at first had only tired when he had first got Bal to shut him up, and because seeing the man freaking out was slightly scary. He had dealt with exorcism and all other sort of things, but seeing the man freak out was too close to how he had been like while at Ravenscar. It brought back bad, old memories, that sent Johns own skeletons busting out of their closet. The things that sent him into Ravenscar, came roaring back.

Sure he had saved all those kids in hell, but others things stacked up against him. His friends and the supernatural deaths, they had been put thou . Every time it had come to them or him, and he chose himself every time. Could you blame him? They were destined for heaven, Beeman, Hennesy, Chas, unlike him who was destined for hell since Newcastle.

John had felt himself softening around Bal, not a lot but more than he had around, well anybody except for Kit. His heart had melted for the women. When he had lost her to his inability to take himself out of the magical community, he fell apart. Magic was a drug, and he couldn't give it up, the magic refused to give him up as well.

A fellow psychic and Bal, being intelligent made him good company for John. He had opinions and voiced them, John gladly told his, they could discuss things without really truly fighting. It was nice to talk to someone alive, and who didn't want to pick a fight with him. Problem…it was turning into something more. Like he had with Mercury, Chas, Zed and others, Bal began to take down his walls that shielded his beaten, battered soul. Bal didn't realize it, but then again he was at a lost at what to do with Johns company, and the fact the magician was helping him thro such a dark time in his life. Memoires of what truly happened were coming back, but with it, confusing things with it. Bal tried to puzzle it out but it was hard, the only thing that made sense, was two men who had been his friends. Bal had began to cry one time about it, but John had explained that even he couldn't find the man, until he had broken the barrier. It had been a month now, and his friends still haven't found him, but that was okay he had John to keep him company now. Its not like he didn't miss the brothers, but he worried they wouldn't like the new him, the quieter him.

_Probably would think your weak kid, cant handle yourself, can only make a few days before you fall apart, looking to John Constantine for help. Are you insane, you killed two of his friends! _This was what Bal was hearing, he didn't see Balthazar anymore, but still heard him. John heard him, as the chant got louder and flinched when he heard it. "Shut up Balthazar …just shut up" Bal hissed and John began to touch him even more, Bal could smell him feel his aura radiating fear and felt as his aura began to touch his, trying to sooth his soul and Bal wondered where the hell was this relationship going.

Authors Note: ... I AM SORRY! Trying to write this in character and such was a pain in the ass also I had ACT MME and Work Keys and school in general so yeah I will stop complaining and please review it helps bolster me to write :)


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